I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants