I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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