I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.