the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...