i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious