I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.