just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize