do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ