Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
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There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners