My Higher Power is John Stamos
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
