God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
