I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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