I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
