Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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