I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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