I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward