I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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