The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
