they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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