Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
