i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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