man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
did i just pee glitter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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