Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize