Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize