Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize