We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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