o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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