I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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