If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
