Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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