i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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