he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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