Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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