wakey wakey hands off snakey
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
