I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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