He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
