you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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