you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
