The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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