sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
