She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
