So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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