I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
