You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."