i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.