Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
