We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
