I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
