i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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