I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.