And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis