I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call