i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
