Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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