The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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