Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize