ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
